My best friend is getting married and not I, not any of our friends, not even his own mother gets to cry at his wedding because they're eloping, blowing the wedding budget on plane tickets to Tanzania or New Zealand and getting married without any of us around.
He says it's no big thing. His wife-to-be has been married before, so I understand why she doesn't want a big wedding, but he's younger than her, he's never been married. Still, no big thing.
ETA: Oh oh oh, and he doesn't want gifts either. I was going to make them something, I have a little fucking talent, I was going to make them a 3D portrait, collect pictures, sculpt their heads in clay, maybe fucking cast it in bronze or something because I adore them both, but they don't want gifts. they want treasury bonds.
what the fuck
ETA: copying this conversation here so that when I next see him and I"m pissed off at him I'll remember why.
21:08] Dred Pirate AngE: sooooo
[21:08] Dred Pirate AngE: you have a costume yet?
[21:08] [name]: yup
[21:08] Dred Pirate AngE: what is it?
[21:09] [name]: youll have to wait and see
[21:10] Dred Pirate AngE: I refuse to spend more than $20 on my costume, so it's pretty lame, but it's a costume nonetheless
[21:10] Dred Pirate AngE: hey I had a nother weird dream last night with you in it. It also had voracious dinosaurs in it trying to eat everybody. was pretty cool
[21:13] [name]: what was my role?
[21:13] Dred Pirate AngE: I dont remember really.
[21:14] [name]: oh
[21:14] [name]: weirdo
[21:15] Dred Pirate AngE: somethign about a building that was falling apart,. giant cracks in teh walls, and somebody found some weird berries and I ate them....aaaand, some kind of museum. THen the dinosaurs came and chased us around until we were able to capture them with some pretty elaborate aparatus. Maybe that was where you fit in. dunno
[21:15] Dred Pirate AngE: my poor kitty.
[21:15] [name]: whats wrong with your kitty?
[21:15] Dred Pirate AngE: I feel so bad. I've been stressing her out so much she now has OCD and is pluckign teh fur from her toes
[21:17] Dred Pirate AngE: and I try to give her her meds so she'll calm down a little, but she wont eat them in her food, and shoving the pill down her throat is stressful too, so I dont think its doing any god
[21:17] Dred Pirate AngE: good
[21:18] [name]: can you crush the pill into powder?
[21:18] Dred Pirate AngE: yeah, still doesn't work, she turns her nose up to the food if she smellstastes it in there
[21:19] [name]: oh
[21:19] Dred Pirate AngE: its not a good tasting pill
[21:19] [name]: can a cat really have OCD?
[21:19] Dred Pirate AngE: sure
[21:21] Dred Pirate AngE: and now she's very very wary of me. thinks every time I go near her I'm trying to shove a pill down her throat.
[21:21] Dred Pirate AngE: sigh
[21:22] Dred Pirate AngE: when are you gettgin married?
[21:26] [name]: next springish
[21:27] Dred Pirate AngE: thats pretty soon....what are the plans?
[21:27] [name]: we run away someplace
[21:27] Dred Pirate AngE: sigh. brat
[21:27] [name]: New Zealand, Switzerland, or Tanzania
[21:27] Dred Pirate AngE: !!!!
[21:27] [name]: and then have a party at the beach when we get back
[21:27] [name]: like at hamonasset or something
[21:27] Dred Pirate AngE: what beach
[21:27] Dred Pirate AngE: oh
[21:27] [name]: they have huge shelters for 150 bucks
[21:28] Dred Pirate AngE: you're still a brat
[21:28] [name]: youre a brat
[21:29] Dred Pirate AngE: you're supposed to endure your wedding, not enjoy it
[21:29] [name]: haha eff that
[21:29] Dred Pirate AngE: everyone else is supposed to enjoy it
[21:29] [name]: you can enjoy the party
[21:29] Dred Pirate AngE: and us saps are supposed to cry
[21:30] Dred Pirate AngE: you're not supposed to escape all your freinds and family and get married without having to facce anyone while doing it. :P
[21:30] Dred Pirate AngE: thats cheating
[21:31] [name]: ohhhhhh well
[21:32] [name]: I just ate like 400 handfulls of party mix
[21:32] Dred Pirate AngE: [name's] wedding was the best I've ever been to, and it was low budget and extremely fun, and even the groom enjoyed it.
[21:32] Dred Pirate AngE: yum
[21:32] [name]: for breakfast this morning I had 3 pieces of precooked bacon, a yogurt, and an ice cream sandwich
[21:32] [name]: ([fiance] is away)
[21:32] Dred Pirate AngE: that was what I was about to ask you
[21:33] Dred Pirate AngE: I was telling [mutual acquaintance] the other day about your eating habits while you ere still an undergrad. (thats why he said hi)
[21:33] [name]: im hungry still :/
[21:33] [name]: can you feed me?
[21:33] Dred Pirate AngE: the eggs in teh fridge, the turkey burgers and moldy bread
[21:34] Dred Pirate AngE: I'll make you anyhitng you want if you don't run off somewhere far away to get married and have it here instead and invite your friends.
[21:34] [name]: blah on you
[21:34] [name]: ill just eat hot pockets
[21:34] Dred Pirate AngE: doesn't your mom want to go to your wedding?
[21:35] [name]: sure
[21:35] Dred Pirate AngE: she flyign out to tanzania too?
[21:35] [name]: nope
[21:35] Dred Pirate AngE: see, you're a brat
[21:35] [name]: too expensive
[21:36] [name]: its no big thing for marybeth, and its certainly no big thing for me
[21:36] [name]: so
[21:37] [name]: it wont be a big thing
[21:38] Dred Pirate AngE: why isn't it a big thing?
[21:39] [name]: cause, that isnt what getting married is about in my estimation
[21:39] [name]: weddings are a collasal waste of resources and miss the whole point
[21:43] Dred Pirate AngE: I agree that huge wedding are stupid and wasteful, but damn, my wedding cost us <$6,000 including the honeymoon. What's teh point of going to tanzania?
[21:43] [name]: To see stuff that we wont see anywhere else
[21:43] [name]: and do stuff we cant do anywhere else like climbing kilamanjaro
[21:44] Dred Pirate AngE: what does that have to do with getting married?
[21:45] [name]: going on an adventure someplace and exploring together seems to me to be a lot more to do with what getting married is all about than standing in a church and mumbling something
[21:48] Dred Pirate AngE: sigh. ok. i get that. just horribly disappointing that the rest of us dont' get to play a part at all.
[21:48] [name]: thats whats the party is for
[21:48] Dred Pirate AngE: not the same
[21:49] [name]: well, just about everyone who has gotten married said what were doing is the way to go, so, im sorry :-(
[21:49] Dred Pirate AngE: I remember telling you a while back that I had a really good idea for a horrible wedding present for you
[21:49] Dred Pirate AngE: but unfortunately, I've forgotten what that wonderful horrible idea was....
[21:49] [name]: no presents, we just want treasury bonds
[21:50] Dred Pirate AngE: ...
[21:50] Dred Pirate AngE: fuck you
[21:50] [name]: what?
[21:50] Dred Pirate AngE: are you serious?
[21:50] [name]: yeah!
[21:51] [name]: i dont want a fucking 7 piece fancy silverware set or towel rack
[21:51] [name]: we have an estabilshed household, so dont need the basics
[21:51] [name]: dont need anything more than basics
[21:52] [name]: so, treasury bonds it is
[21:52] Dred Pirate AngE: I dont remember what I was going to do, but it wasn't a towel rack
[21:52] [name]: give us a gift of early retirement
So I have until Spring to stop being mad at him. I really don't know if that is going to be enough time.
one more tally mark next to the evidence suggesting that if I can imagine a thing, it is eliminated completely from the realm of possibility.