Cruisin'
So we're taking a vacation again this February.
Cut for long-ass ranting and self-reflection


It started out as a plan to go camping in FL again, which we've done 3 times I think, then it got upgraded to a condo in Daytona since a friend of ours has a week there in Feb that he was selling cheap to friends, but somebody else nabbed that before us. So then I went looking for something else to do. We love Cocoa Beach. If we're going to go to FL, we always hit Cocoa cuz the beach is perfect. Clear (for the Atlantic) water, nice, robust sand (not like the sticky fine sugar as in Clearwater beach on the Gulf which I hate), good waves, no really scary riptides. SO I started looking for flights into or around there, and maybe we could spend a day or two with our friend who lives down there in Orlando. But mostly I found really expensive flights and hotels and I really wasn't sure what we'd do once we got there. We'd have to rent a car and then...?
So I clicked on the "cruises" button on expedia and found some genuinely good deals. Found a nice four day trip down to the Caribbean. I LOVE the Caribbean. Tis the pirate in me I suppose. So I said hey Mike I found a cruise for $250 per person and he was all for it. But then I said it's four days, so we could spend the rest of the time in FL and hang out with our FL buddies. But he was like "don't they have any 7 day cruises?" So I looked, they sure do. These are more in the $500 range but they left from Ft. Lauderdale and hit a few islands or Mexico or Belize and then back, plus I did eventually find some cheaper airfare to get down there. So we went from a camping trip to a cruise....
And then I stumbled upon a 7 day cruise leaving from New York down to the Bahamas. That cuts out the flight completely since we're only a couple hours away, which is a very good thing, though it's also $300 more for the cruise, which is really what we'd pay for the flight anyway. And it's on Norwegian's newest biggest boat, the Gem, (Which, if the current photos are any indication is horribly and brightly decorated with neon carpet and bed linens in every room including the really pricey ones.) And it goes to islands with snorkeling and hiking and all kinds of fun stuff....

The problem is...I've become aware since our last vacation to hawaii 2 years ago, that I am shit at traveling. I am a terrible traveler. I'm too nervous. Too panicky, too worried that I'm going to miss my flight, be left behind, lose my camera, get my wallet stolen, arrive somewhere only to find they overbooked and I'm left in the snow on the pier in New York while the ship sails away, afraid that I'll have to endure the company of strangers or that Mike will get there and not want to do anything, or that I wont want to do anything, or that everything will be too expensive for my tight-as-a-virgin wallet, that I'll get another sun burn, that I'll miss opportunities for real fun, that I'll spend the entire time lost or bored or uncomfortable and nervous and I wont enjoy it again like in Hawaii.

I'm just a home body. And I know that none of these things, even if all of them happened, wouldn't be the end of the world and yet even thinking about booking the cruise makes me panicky.

We've done a fair amount of traveling, especially considering our means. Florida three times I think (they kinda bleed together in memory) Aruba on our honeymoon which was still the best trip I can remember, up to Maine for my friend's wedding, All the way around the friggin lower 48 one summer on a huge-ass camping trip which was awesome, certainly, but tiring as hell and had some pitfalls as any trip of that size must (getting my front tired buried to the axle in sand in Northern Californai comes to mind, the muffler falling off in Daytona (which actually wasn't all that bad, got lucky with a nice mechanic - not literally lucky, I mean we got lucky in that we found a nice, nearby, not-scamming-the-unfortunate-tourists-mechanic) and the horrible abdominal cramps, diarrhea, and panic attacks that plagued me from Wisconsin to Oregon). So, I guess I have history enough that worrying would be natural. But I hate wasting money. Hawaii was ok. We had a couple good days there, but we really went to the wrong island, and the misfortunes and bad judgments made there really soured the whole thing and made it really expensive.

Aruba was great because I was in good shape back then, I wasn't afraid to wear a bathing suit in public which I am now, we were drunk almost the entire time (a hallmark of a good vacation, obviously) and...and we didn't pay for it. Maybe that's what it was. We paid for meals and drinks but we didn't pay for the room and flights. Maybe its the money that bugs me. I no longer shudder when we have to make a big purchase for the cars. I hate it when it's Mike's fault, as it so often is with the cars, and I hate it possibly more when it's my own fault. I'm absolutely paranoid about things like that. I'm a poster child for preventative measures. If I see or smell anything even remotely wrong I panic preemptively.

My parents went on a cruise last year and they loved it. One more reason to think I would hate it. Free food? Yes, I love free food, food on a flat fee. It's awesome, all you can eat. But I never do. And when I go to a buffet which I rarely do anymore for this reason, I eat what I put on my plate. And it disgusts me to see people throw away enormous portions of food. I've wasted food. Certainly I'm not cool enough to not do that. I make something and forget about it in the fridge, or it turns out cruddy and I don't finish it and can't bring myself to eat it anyway, but I still feel guilty every time. Which brings me to the rest of the guilt.

I'm looking through all the amenities on the ship and the on-shore activities and I wonder if I'd be able to do it. I know that I am not capable of spending money and not feeling guilty. I'm not capable of enjoying myself and being wasteful at the same time. Vacations are supposed to be relaxing, but lately I'm mostly relieved to get home.

So, we're sleeping on it. We'll see if I think I can manage to go on vacation and leave my mental baggage behind.

We'll decide soon I guess.