InsaneJournal

 "Um," he says and swallows. "Um. Are you sure.  I mean, that I'm..."
    Elim looks him in the eyes plainly, no humour, no malice.  "You're as ready as you will ever be, Love."  Julian says nothing, and he feels his hand spread more lubricant on him, shivers at the feel of a finger slip inside him once more, easily this time, a little burn, then pull on him.  His ears are burning again too.  The whole room is on fire, but silent, absolutely nothing to distract from the interaction in the inches between them.  Then his cock is there, rubbing through the wetness from the lube and Elim's own natural contribution.  Julian watches as his body rocks rhythmically over him, feels the charge in the room, tries to just breathe and stay calm, or at least appear calm.  Elim stops and leans in, forward, and down.  It folds Julian in half, but he gets a long sweet kiss out of it.  Elim maneuvers a hand up over Julian's knees and strokes through his hair.  "This is going to hurt," he whispers against Julian's lips.
    Julian lets out an unsteady breath.   "I thought you wanted it to hurt."
    "No.  Not this.  Not the first time.  It's almost inevitable that it will, but it isn't my intention.  If the first time I kissed you I bit you till you bled would you let me kiss you again?"
    "The first time?" Julian says breathily, trembling.  "I kissed you," he corrects, and Elim smiles.
    "Regardless.  I'm not going to hurt you any more than I must right now.  I want you to know that."  Elim is nose to nose with him again, he nuzzles up one cheek and then and speaks softly to his left ear.  "Just.  Tell me if you need to stop.  I already know how brave you are.  You don't need to prove it to me with this.  It's going to hurt but it gets better.  I promise."  Then Elim kisses him deeply again, slow and languorous, and his other hand moves down.  Julian feels it, and almost doesn't believe it will happen, doesn't seem possible at all, this arrangement of tangled limbs, the idea of anything being inside of him except he himself, but then there is pressure, and he can feel Elim's fingers guiding it, concentrating it until it blossoms into a sharp sequence of sensation like freezing cold that swings to burning hot in the space of a second, followed by pain so intense and centered within his core it is utterly humbling and immovable.
    Julian is gasping again, breathing heavily as Garak tries to divert his attention to his mouth.  It doesn't work at all, and Julian turns his head to breathe through bared clenched teeth.  Garak can't really even feel him around his cock yet.  He has to be viciously tight and hot, but he isn't going to get to enjoy it right now.  Sometimes you have to sacrifice a little pleasure now to reap greater pleasure later.  Julian keeps breathing like that, hyperventilating, but it doesn't appear to be enough.  He soon starts trying to hold his breath, and veins pop out in his neck.  When he releases the breath next it is with a painful keening sound that, under different circumstances, would be music to Garak's ears.  Right now though, he isn't able to take pleasure from it.  Not while Julian is so far away from him.
    "Julian," he says softly and kisses his neck.  "Relax, Love.  It goes away if you relax."
    Julian knows that, any doctor knows that, but somehow it's infuriating to be reminded of it now when it is so much more easily said than done.  Anger doesn't hold up any better than logic, though.  The pain is too much and he feels too helpless, pinned down and wounded, to be angry.
    "Can't," is all he can grate out.   He hears himself making this stuttering noises, his breath stopping in his lungs on the way in and out that sounds like sobbing, but he isn't.  He just can't remember the last time he felt pain like this and he feels so pathetic for not being able to stop it.  He knows how to handle pain, but this is different somehow.  He wants to do this for Elim.  He has wanted to from the beginning, knew it was going to happen, but he never really tried to prepare himself.  He knew how, but he just wasn't brave enough to try.  Elim is a fool if he thinks he's brave, unless this just isn't normal.  He doesn't know, and he feels even more pathetic for not knowing.  "Is it supposed to hurt this much?" he finally gets out, voice shaky and insincere, almost breaking down, and then holds his breath again.
    Garak remembers the first time.  It hurts.  There is nothing that can prepare you for it besides doing it.  And doing it yourself, it still hurts.  The pain, the fear, the fear of the pain is so much harder by yourself.  It's difficult to be the cause of it for Julian, but he is glad he can help him with it, even if it means a little bit longer wait until they can just enjoy it.  Garak runs fingers through his hair once more and then slides deeper into him.
    Julian yelps and his body spasms in fear, though it doesn't hurt any more than it did a moment ago. Just the movement, the change in pressure is unsettling, and the feeling that the pain is never going to end seems more concrete the deeper he goes.
    "Love," Elim says from just a few inches above him.  He can feel his breath on him though his eyes are shut tight.  "There are things you can feel within Us.  Things that go beyond the boundary of you or me, to reach where we become Us.  Inside Us.  It's not always easy to get there, Julian, but if you trust, and let the things you feel Outside to come in, and then come in to Us, you will see them for what they really are.  You will see that the things you feel come from within you and nowhere else, and that you can make them be anything you want."
    Julian is listening, but what he is saying isn't making much sense.  He still doesn't know if he was expecting Julian to be in this much pain and his body keeps screaming at him that this is dangerous, that he is being harmed and yet Elim doesn't seem to notice.
    He is frustrated and hurting, and he can't get past it at this point, it is clear.  Garak doesn't want to hurt him like this any more, though it has only been a moment.  Julian is in a kind of lonely agony that Garak can appreciate.  He has been there himself and he knows how desperate it feels.  Garak clenches his own teeth and withdraws slowly.  That sweet drag on his cock, the low pressure and heat inside his body, the unbelievable grip around the head, it's just so hard to let go of him when he knows if he could steer Julian's brain off course just a degree, he would be ok, and this would be a beautiful evening.  But he can't, so he does, pulls away and squeezes his own cock head once it is free to ground himself.  There is a trace of blood on his hand.  Garak lets Julian's legs down gently and listens as he starts breathing again in arrhythmic bursts.  He lays down next to him and runs the back of his hand down his chest.
    Julian can't believe how much it hurts, even now minutes after it is gone.  He expected the pain to melt away after, but it didn't, it feels like he is still there.  Julian imagines that this is probably a bit what it feels like to be stabbed, and squeezes his eyes tight again.  Elim is stroking his hair and neck as he pants and the pain does start to ebb away finally, such that he can release the pressure in his jaw at least.  In a moment or two though, Elim gets up, goes to the bathroom and returns with something in his hand.  Julian knows what it is at first glance and whimpers into the mattress with the remnants of the pain and a mortified sorrow in his voice.  Even his throat is starting to hurt now.  He didn't want this.  He wanted this to be perfect.
    Elim lays down again and with a murmur and a pat to his hip, urges Julian to roll over.  He does, and frowns hard into a wrinkle of the blanket, biting back disappointed and embarrassed tears.  Elim spreads him apart, and it's done in a moment, the minuscule tear healed by the beam of the dermal regenerator, but Julian doesn't move, doesn't pick up his head, doesn't say a word.
    Garak puts the regenerator away, turns the lights down and comes back to bed.  He pulls the extra blanket off the foot of the bed and covers them with it to the waist.  He is calming now as well, now that Julian's pain is abating and he caught a glimpse of his slack face on his way back.  He props himself up next to him on an elbow and runs his fingers over Julian's back.  Up and down, gently, randomly.  He draws nonsensical shapes and swirls there over his spine and flanks, extending them out over his shoulders and arms, invisible knots and vines.  Julian never moves except to cough once.
    There was a poem he remembers reading when he was living on Cardassia.  He thought it was beautiful when he read it, but he never really had an application for it before.  Perhaps he doesn't even yet, but he feels that soon, soon it will be true.  Someday soon he could say these words to Julian and not only would Garak hear the beauty of their truth, but Julian will as well.  Garak pauses, recalls the meaning first, then the words, then takes his third and fourth fingers and brushes each character in Kardassi across Julian's back in slow, large letters.
    I make you feel pain
    So no one can hurt you.
    I make you feel shame
    So no one can shame you.
    I take away what you need
    So no one can deprive you.
    I am
    So I may love you.
    Julian gets up eventually, long after Garak has brushed his poem across his skin many times and left soft kisses here and there to stand in for punctuation.  When he is ready he pushes himself up slowly, without facing Garak, and walks silently to the bathroom and shuts the door.  Garak understands, he does, but it may be a while before Julian accepts it. 
    And they call Cardassians perfectionists.

    Garak straightens out the sheets and blankets while his is gone.  He is about to get back in bed but then changes his mind and trots off to the replicator.  He could use a bite, and imagines after recent events, Julian should be hungry, even if he doesn't want to be.  He isn't really up on his human cuisine though, and beyond potatoes, he isn't sure what other foods soothe the human psyche.  He supposes it would be largely up to individual taste.  So he falls back to the only other food he can think of right now that he knows almost all humans seem to like.  Garak brings the single plate back to bed with two forks, and arranges himself back at the head of the bed with one pillow behind him, the other propped up on Julian's side. 

    Huh.  Garak smiles to himself.  Julian has his own side, suddenly.

    Julian comes out of the bathroom looking a little haggard, but perhaps fresher and a bit more alert.  He looks at Garak, then at the pillows, then the food.

    "Apple pie?" he asks but his face doesn't change or brighten at all.

    "Do you like apple pie?"

    He shrugs.  "Sure."

    Garak smiles and lifts the corner of the covers.  Julian gets in and just sits there on his side of the bed for a moment.  Garak waits.  After six years he's used to it.  A moment more added to the end won't kill him.

    Julian isn't sure what to do with himself now.  He feels just sort of empty and wasted, though he knows it's stupid.  He turns and looks at Elim again.  He wants to know what he is supposed to do now, looks to him for a clue.  All Elim does is return his regard, and Julian crumples under it in short order.  His face is a moue as he pushes at his own pillow until Elim sits forward and accepts it behind his back, that's where it belongs, then he takes Elim's elbow and lifts it until he lets Julian under to lay against him.

    Garak's heart is pattering happiness and sympathy at the same time right now.  He has a plate of apple pie in his hand though and so does the best he can with one arm and a kiss to soothe that look from Julian's face.  Julian seems content to just lay there holding onto him, so he leaves him be for the most part and has a few bites of the pie.  Elim hears a plaintive sigh escape him, and then frowns and sighs himself.  "Julian," he entreats softly.
    "I'm sorry.  I really wanted this to be perfect."
    "Love, it was.  I told you just a few hours ago what my expectations were.  Have you forgotten already?"
    "Low standards don't make the outcome any better, Garak.  They just...shrink the scope."
    "Well I have to disagree with both that idea and with the idea that the relative or absolute 'goodness' was anything less than acceptable."
    Julian is unmoved and lays there with his eyelashes brushing Garak's chest.  "I just wanted to be..."

    "Have some pie."

    Julian accepts a bite and chews under Garak's chin.  "It's like...I'm losing the battle for my own self-respect lately.  Like whatever I try to do to make this the best it can be just backfires.  I'm a constant disappointment to myself.  I can only imagine how I must seem to you."

    Garak thinks that is particularly ridiculous, and if Julian wasn't so depressed he might point that out in more bold terms.

    Elim hums in response, neither an affirmative nor a negative.  "And you're usually so brutish and butch, too," he adds.  Julian still doesn't know if he agrees or disagrees, he can't even tell now if Elim is being sarcastic or facetious.  It clearly isn't real, but he can't tell if he is angry or just disappointed.  Julian isn't sure about himself either.

    Garak takes a final bite of pie, places it on the nightstand and lifts himself up briskly, flipping Julian off of him, and hopefully off of his mood as well.  He crawls on top of the now supine and surprised human, swallows his bite, and dives for his neck with teasing nipping teeth and sweet sticky lips.  Julian is very quickly reduced to squirming and petulant laughter, and now that Garak knows it is possible, which he had no doubt before the attack that he would be ticklish all over if properly surprised, he digs delicately into his ribs and stomach until Julian begs him to stop an instant later.  So much for distraction.

    Julian urges him back to the pillows and situates himself back to the agreeable position half laying on him, half tucked under his arm and leg.

    Garak picks up where he left off on the pie and offers Julian the last stray sugar-coated apple, puts the empty plate back down on the nightstand.

    Julian chews, sighs, stubbornly morose, and Garak chuckles.  "Why are you beating yourself up about this?"
    Julian sighs again.  "I guess I'm just used to being at the head of the class."
    Garak grumbles wordless commiserations as he pulls Julian a little more squarely on top of him and holds him gently under his butt with both hands.  Julian crumples against him, face into the web of his neck.  "With the curve you'll end up with an A minus at least.  Don't worry about it."
    Julian snorts into his neck.  "What about you?  How did you do?"
    "Me?...Well...It's been a while since I took Anal one-oh-one but I think I still have my notes."
    Julian is laughing and shaking the whole bed as he does so.  "Your closet says otherwise, Garak.  Arranged by color?  You're a professor emeritus at least."
    "By color is the most logical way to arrange a closet," he defends emphatically.  "Most items when hung in a closet have similar profiles, and the only way to find what you're looking for in a large wardrobe is to search by color.  That is much easier to do if you keep things grouped by color."  Julian is still laughing.  "Anyway we weren't talking about my closet."
    "No," Julian agrees as the laughter in his lungs fizzles.
    "Did you really think you'd be able to just ignore the pain and do it the first try?"
    "I read up on it."
    "Easier read than done, my dear."
    Julian lifts his head and digs his blunt chin into Elim's chest, but he doesn't complain.  "Well," he starts.  "We could..."
    A smile creeps up one half of Garak's face as he peers down at him.  Julian looks a little bashful, but hopeful, beautiful.  "One thing at a time, my love.  One thing at a time."

    Julian thinks that doesn't exactly sound fair nor logically derived, but it hardly seems important right now.  There is something else gnawing at him.  Still nervous, he puts his head back down so Elim can't look through him.  "When...do you think?  I mean.  How long is it going to take?  A month, two months?"

    "Tomorrow."

    A shock goes up Julian's spine.  "Tomorrow?  But-"

    "You'll be ready tomorrow night.  It will still hurt some, but you'll be able to do it, and enjoy it tomorrow."

    Garak can feel him blinking over and over, eyelashes tickling his neck.  He wants to laugh from the tickle and from the face he knows Julian is making there, his eyes talking when his mouth doesn't know what to say.  Holds it back though.

    "What if I'm not?"

    Garak shrugs and stretches.  "Another day then.  I told you, as slow as you want, but I think you'll be fine tomorrow."  Julian's backside doesn't agree, though bizarrely his cock doesn't seem to care how much it hurt.

    They lay there a while, Garak continues drawing shapeless pictures on his back until his fingertips go numb and Julian seems to grow into him like a tree into a rock over a hundred years.  Garak's body grows warm against him, absorbing all that radiating heat into himself for safe keeping.  Julian feels like just another part of him, but he touches him with far more pleasure.  He isn't asleep, but could be on the edge.  "Are you tired?" he asks him.

    Julian shakes his head.

    "Did you want to go to the Gratitude festival tomorrow?"

    Julian shakes his head again and Garak chuckles a little.    

    "Good," he says.  "I don't think I can be in your presence and not want to eat you alive, crowds of observers or no."  Garak squeezes him a little and kisses the top of his head.

    "I don't want to do anything tomorrow," Julian says sullenly and creeps upward to press his lips to Elim's.

    Garak smiles brightly.  "That's the spirit," he quips and returns the kiss.  Julian crawls up on him further, higher, sits on his lap and Garak pulls the blanket up over his shoulders which feel cool in the air.  Julian attaches himself to Garak's face and kisses, and kisses, and kisses some more.  He tastes his lips and tongue over and over, and it drowns out the nattering of his mind far better than any water shower.

    Garak loves every minute of it, but decides to reach for a little more and squeezes Julian to him, pressing his cock between their bellies, a hard squeeze between pelvic bones.  He sits up and lays Julian down again, just like earlier in the day.  Julian's breath quickens as their lips come apart and Garak coos to him, tells him they're done for today.  There is nothing to fear.  Garak puts a pillow under his head, holds both of his hands with each of his own, and positions himself between Julian's legs.
    Julian is long and thick, probably a bit larger than the average human.  Garak considers the possibility that Julian was augmented not just mentally, but in other ways as well, but shakes the silly thought away.  For some reason, considering his size did not even occur to Garak the first time he encountered Julian in the nude.  He noticed, of course, how could he not with it pulsing in his throat, but that day he was far from the mind-set that he is in now.  That day he was only concerned with surviving that day, escaping that situation without hurting him.  Today, he can look on that beautiful straining phallus with greed again, but with less of that metallic tang of fear on his palate.  Because Julian already knows what he is thinking about.  Or, at least has an idea.  He can look on him and know that his thoughts are not reprehensible to him, and he can imagine what it will feel like to fuck him into a raw and bruised, helpless rag doll, and also, one day, when Julian fucks him.  Garak feels heat flush to his face though he knows Julian can't tell.  The fact that he can look that far ahead and know that they will get there - that is the largest dream he has had in years, the most hope he has dared hold in his heart.  Yes, sex is perhaps a shallow hope to string one's heart upon, but it is shallow only because it is the exquisite skin of a beautiful fantasy that seems to be unfolding before his eyes.

    Garak kisses some of that exquisite skin and breathes in the hot scent of him.  The heat is pouring off of his trunk and groin, though he shivers when Garak kisses his thigh.  He kisses his way up perfunctorily, just to let him know he is approaching.  Still, Julian flinches and moans when he pokes his nose in the hot and fragrant joint of his hip, nuzzles the strange wrinkled skin at the base of his cock.  He licks up one testicle then the other and chuckles at the way they shy away from him seemingly of their own accord.  Garak's genitals aren't that talented.  Garak gets brave soon after and takes one into his mouth earning him a nervous sounding sigh from Julian.  He watches his stomach muscles contract into a hill on his belly, then slowly erode away with relaxation.  Repeat.

    Then he is on his way up, teasing at the base, or whatever counts as the base in this organ that disappears into fleshy folds instead of stark lines and cords.  It's funny how everything with humans is so subjective.  He mouths Julian's organ up and up, and Julian groans with relief when he finally reaches the head, licks all around and slides down upon it.  Julian's head comes up and his eyes, glassy and tired meet Garak's from under anxious brows.  His slack mouth tells another story, and the pulse of his cock against Garak's tongue drives him down to swallow him.  Julian's head goes back to the mattress sharply and he moans and arches up.  Garak gives him eight or nine slow and deep strokes with his mouth and then comes up for air.

    "You taste wonderful, Love."  Julian whimpers as if the compliment felt as good as the head.  Or maybe he just wants him to shut up.  Garak doesn't really want to though.  "Come here," he says and Julian cracks open his eyes to see what Garak wants of him.  He motions toward himself and Julian obeys and sits up.  Garak puts a hand on his back and one on his chest and spreads his fingers wide.  "Now lean back."  Julian's weight shifts to his back hand a little and Garak turns him, pushes him slowly and carefully back down off the side of the bed.  Julian hesitates, looks behind him, but Garak grasps both of his arms tightly and lowers him down so that most of his torso is curving down, falling to the floor.  Julian's head is inches from the carpet and Garak lets one arm go, which instinctively goes to the floor to suspend him on spidered fingers, then the other to share the weight.

    Garak pulls him by the legs then, just a little, to balance him a little more gently on the bed, secure him safely, and then swallows his cock again.

    Julian groans loudly.  His cock grew cold in the air with Elim's saliva drying on it, and to be swallowed again so suddenly, it feels hot, and the return to that sweet silken warmth is just so good.  Blood is rushing to his head in this position.  He isn't really sure why Elim wants him like this.  He feels dizzy and stretched and dull.  Elim's ministrations on him, while still exquisite, are competing with the sound of his own pulse in his ears and the feeling of all his veins popping out all over his upper body.  Elim licks and sucks at him and the closer he gets the more he starts to worry that when he comes he's going to lose control and fall on his head, and suddenly he isn't close anymore. 

    Oh.  That's why Elim wants him like this.

    Julian pants for a moment, his cock strains in Garak's mouth, feels so good, so thick, and then his moment fades away again.  Garak hums satisfaction and changes what he does, licks up and around, over the head, sucks, then viciously bobs up and down taking him deep into his throat until his lips go numb.  Five more times Julian comes close to the end and then shies away from it before he is whining and groaning and twisting in Garak's grasp, dying to just come, no longer able to pull himself up to safety, barely able to hold himself up off the floor, but unwilling to lose Garak's mouth on him.

    When he finally comes he sounds like he is sobbing from the floor.  Garak pulls off and lets him spill down his belly and chest, and then grabs his legs and holds him tightly as his arms give out beneath his head.  In only a moment a desperate hand comes flailing upwards and Garak takes it, pulls him up by his forearm, holds him steady as he regains his balance.  His face is red, the corners of his eyes touched with tears of strain.  Garak guides him to lie back on the pillow and straightens his tangled legs before him.

    Julian catches his breath over a minute or two, wipes his eyes and watches as Garak silently continues to bathe him in affection.  He licks gently up his oversensitive cock, taking away the stickiness and making Julian flinch a little, then moves up his heaving body to lap up the two long, asymmetrical stripes on his torso.

    Garak reaches his collar bone and Julian takes hold of his wrists with stealth and strength that takes Garak by surprise.  He thought he would be too wiped out to surprise him now.  "What about you?" he asks.

    Garak smiles sweetly and shrugs.  "I'm fine."

    Julian sighs heavily.  "Elim please."

    Garak kisses him softly.  "We have plenty of time."

    Julian's limbs still feel like gelatin but he props himself up to force Elim back.  He gets up as if to flip them both over, to take Garak's current position, but only succeeds half way before collapsing on his side.  He whimpers a little.  Just feels so weak, but the desire to touch him is so strong, he can't help but try. 

    Garak reaches up and turns out the room lights.  It's a little early to be going to bed - they never left it - but who cares.  He leaves the lights on the computer panel above the bed.  They have a pleasant glow that he doesn't mind, and he can still see him, the end of his nose, the gloss of his eyes, a copper blush over his chest.  Julian muffles though, and scoots down, down down, almost out of reach.  He is having trouble, Garak can tell, his arms and hands fumble, but he urges Garak's leg up and situates himself there with enough difficulty, Garak can't help but be impressed and helpful.  Julian can't keep his head lifted enough and tries to put a hand under it.  Even the hand won't obey though, so Garak turns a little, lift's Julian's head for him and places it on his thigh.  Gods and Prophets he can imagine shoving his face there some day.  Can't wait for that, but for now, he is more than willing to help Julian accomplish what he wants.  Julian coaxes his cock head out with unsurprising felicity.  After just once attempting this and learning what Garak responds to, he has advanced to the level that Garak can restrain his reflex enough to allow this.  My brilliant Julian.  Just the head for now, but when Julian looks up at him from the darkness, looking for permission, and then ducks down and takes it between his lips, Garak thinks he might be in trouble.  Nothing should feel that good.

    Julian licks and sucks gently on him the best he knows how, which really only comes from his experience on the receiving end of this maneuver.  The head is harder than his, less of that rubbery flesh and more stiffness covered by a thin wet pad.  He tastes the same as before, like warm skin, slippery and inviting, no really distinct flavor over the smell of him.  Elim breathes harshly and grabs at his own skin near his groin.  Julian watches as he digs his fingers in and grips the tendon between groin and leg.  His other hand hesitates and trembles in Julian's hair.  He flinches periodically while Julian licks and sucks, gasps a little now and then. 

    "Careful dear," Julian hears him mutter, then swallow, and keep panting.

    Julian stops and looks nervously to his dark face.  "I thought I was being careful."

    Elim grins without opening his eyes.  "Just watch the teeth."

    "I haven't touched you with my teeth."

    "Trust me, you have."

    "I have?"

    "Yes.  Just barely.  But it's enough to make me nervous."

    "I'm sorry Elim, I wasn't trying to.  I couldn't even tell."

    "I know."

    "Do you want me to stop?"

    "No, Love.  Continue as long as you want."  He grins again and Julian's mouth turns up sympathetically.  "It's just difficult to stay unsheathed when the reflex is triggered by unexpected contact."  Julian slowly and cautiously licks him again and Elim sighs in obvious pleasure.

    He gets nervous as the question forms in his mind.  He feels like he's ten again and not sure how to ask someone about something adult.  He brushes his lips across Elim's cock head.  "Can you come?" he asks just above a whisper. 

    Elim's eyes open to sparkling slits.  "If you want," he replies, and Julian double-takes, looks at him funny and then laughs.

    "Do you want?"  Seems like that is what he was asking before.

    "It doesn't matter to me.  I'm fine either way."  This earns him another look. 

    Julian sighs and wills the courage to make the decision.  "Will you come for me?" he says finally, and he is glad it is dark. 

    "Yes," comes the reply, simple and undemanding.  "On... myself?  Or on you?" 

    The bashful laugh from Julian tells Garak what the young man was hoping for and he touches his face and hair in response, in thanks.  Thanks for wanting it.  He shifts a little and emerges fully then in front of Julian, inches from his face, and then reaches up and turns a small light back on so he can see this.  He scoots in closer to place his hip against Julian's arm and holds his cock out over his body and strokes. 

    Fire rises hot in Julian again though he isn't sure how it's possible considering the number of times he has come in the past few days.  How he can want more he doesn't know.  Elim strokes slow and gentle up and down his cock, his fingers making sticky noises at the head and base.  Julian isn't sure when he is going to come and he doesn't know what Elim expects him to do.  His gut tells him to open his mouth.  He does so, briefly, and then feels odd doing it and shuts it again.  Elim stops. 

    "What is it, Love?"

    Julian stammers a second.  "Nothing."

    "You looked like you were going to say something."

    That startles a little chuckle from him.  "No."

    Elim pulls on his cock again, slowly, twists his wrist up at the head and Julian thinks that that looks really good.  He takes his own cock in hand and strokes to match Elim as he resumes his moderate pace, closes his eyes and relaxes into the motion once again.  Julian can only watch in amazement at the clear fluid that collects on Elim's fingers from nowhere.  He wonders if Elim equates the sweat that appears on Julian's skin with this phenomenon.  Julian thinks a second, hazily.  Thinks about Elim licking the sweat off of him, and his own half-hard cock weeps in his hand

    "Can I?" he asks him, looking up into his eyes.

    Elim smirks a little.  "Stick out your tongue."  Julian does, then longer, pushes it out but it wiggles of its own accord so he bites down on it and holds it stiff.  Elim moves in, and places his cock on Julian's tongue, moves back and forth, circles it, then relaxes back.  Julian relaxes too, swallows.  "Well.  Was it as good for you as it was for me?"  Elim asks and Julian laughs out loud and thinks about trying to get his tongue in there again.  He wants to get his whole mouth around it but guesses that that isn't going to happen tonight.  Elim strokes and groans softly. 

    "Where do you want it?"  Julian doesn't know.  The obvious place he doesn't dare mention but he grows hot in the cheeks at the thought.  He has tasted his own come, on the lips of a number of extremely generous girls, and on his own, when the curiosity was too much to bear.  But never another man's.  He supposes it's silly at this point to be afraid of it.  Elim is panting quietly, eyes half-lidded and glossy.  "Open up," he intones lowly and Julian does so without thinking.  "Wider."  He does that too.  Elim scoots up on the bed with a touch of urgency, rattles Julian though his whole body is stiff.  He closes his mouth and swallows, then opens it again and feels silly.  Elim groans and a dot of white appears at the tip of his cock.  Julian shuts his eyes in a last instant of sensibility.  He has seen what Elim can do with it.  The warmth in small patches hits his tongue, and he flinches, holds his breath, afraid of it going down his windpipe.  He resists his sense of taste.  It hits his lips, down his chin.  He's afraid it will go up his nose, too.  More in his mouth and a bitter tang zips up the side of his tongue.  Elim is breathing raggedly and huffing with each pulse and then slows and stops, but Julian can feel him in front of him, still on top of him.  He keeps his eyes closed.  There is a moment of nothing, but then he feels the anterior plane of Elim's index finger as it goes to his lower lip and wipes the come from it into his mouth, then the slick and unmistakable cock head is there at his lips, and it too delivers a final drip onto his lower lip.  Julian's mouth is filling with saliva and it feels like he is never going to be able to swallow again, his mouth is frozen this way in permanent nervous rejection. 

    Elim slinks back down to a more comfortable position and his fingers return and scrape up his chin to push the spilled drops into Julian's mouth , every last bit, then gently touch his lips and face, stroke as his facial muscles start to relax.  He can't hold them like that forever. 

    Julian closes his mouth and holds the cavity open with a sunken tongue. He can feel the shape of the mass in his mouth in the well of his tongue.  It takes six or seven psyche ups, false starts, but he extends his neck and swallows.  It goes down like mostly air and spit, but with this funny burn after it, a tingle he wasn't expecting.  It coats the inside of his mouth.  It is all he can taste, all he can smell, fiery, salty.  Elim pulls him to him and kisses him, kisses away the remnants of stickiness on his face, sucks on his chin and lips and tongue until Julian is reduced to fightless semi-consciousness.

    "Perfect," Elim whispers to him and turns out the light.