InsaneJournal

    "Done already?"  Elim sits at a quiet table with two glasses of water and a tiny pink vase holding a spray of artificial flowers.  Quark has terrible taste.
    He shrugs.  "It was very short and to the point."
    "I thought the Christopher Pike Medal was a big deal."
    "It is.  But it looked like the admiral had other business to get to."
    "Perhaps he was jealous?"
    "I didn't think of that."  Julian puzzles a moment.  "Don't know that I would have noticed if he gave that away.  I was so preoccupied, I'm not sure I was even there,"
    "Preoccupied?" he asks with innocence.
    Julian doesn't reply.  He's still a bit out of his head even now, even faced with the bright hungry eyes across the table from him.  He can't wait to get back to Elim's quarters, but at the same time, the immanency of it is stating to bring the fear back home, and his mind is racing for solutions to a problem that doesn't exist.  He feels suddenly that today he may have slightly miscalculated his bravery.  It was all very easy to be bold in public when he knew it would never amount to anything.
    They eat quickly. Garak can feel Julian's leg jittering under the table and see it as the flowers on the table dance in place.  Julian doesn't seem to notice the effect his nervousness is having on the decoration, or on Elim for that matter.  He decides while watching him silently wrestle with anxiety and anticipation across the table, that this was a mistake.  He should not have given him the opportunity to agonize.  Dinner one way or the other wouldn't have made a difference actually, that isn't the problem.  He has had hours of meetings all day to stew and worry and there is nothing else for him to do in public right now.  Idle conversation is stilted when there are more important matters at hand; sex, privacy, pain and fulfillment, but they cannot talk about those matters without the potential of being discovered or at least looking very suspicious to others.  All he has is his thoughts, which have apparently turned dark.  Julian eats some but at a point stops and starts twisting his napkin instead.
    Garak wishes they could have had some more time alone before this.  He thinks had he been able to keep Julian tied up in his quarters for a good solid week before letting him back to his regular life, take it one step at a time without that urgency built up by too many hours apart, some of this stress could have been avoided.  Though if he had done that someone would have come banging his door down looking for him within a day or two anyway.  Sometimes he wishes Julian was a directionless Boslic vagabond rather than a brilliant doctor with responsibilities and duties.  It would clear up his schedule at least.
    Garak watches him a moment and then puts down his fork and wipes his mouth.  "Love," he says no louder than a pin drop, and Julian looks up at him.  Garak motions with his head toward the door.

~*~

    Elim's cock is heavy and wet, his hips powerful as they rut against him.  The cock slides up his backside and is sidetracked one direction or the other by the root of Julian's.  Elim thrusts up against him over his entrance a few times, then slides a wet finger into him. He's been doing this maddening combination for a long time now, and Julian thrums with tension all over his body.  Elim kisses and licks and sucks at his skin; his neck, his face, his lips and chest, with the rest of his body surrounding, compacting, and holding him securely to the bed.  He takes out his finger and lets his cock slide through the warm wetness there again for a while, nudging at his entrance now and then.   Julian only jumped the first time.
    "You feel so good," Garak whispers hotly in Julian's ear and is rewarded with the tightening of Julian's arms around him.  They breathe deeply in unison and Julian's random vocalizations are soft, high, and needy.  Elim is ready, more than ready, and he thinks Julian is too.  He stops his ministrations with his mouth and simply bites a small mouthful of flesh on his shoulder near but not on top of a dozen other faint bite marks he has left him already tonight.  Then he takes his cock in hand and rubs the head against him, feels for that spot and starts to gently push.  Julian flinches and then starts sucking in quick panicky breaths.
    "I...I thought of something!" he says with that same edge of panic.  He is shivering violently beneath him.  Garak stops, throws the breaks on and is nearly shaking trying to keep them on.  "During the ceremony today," he continues, huffing.  Garak wonders if Julian can not sense how painful this is for him or if he is doing it to be cruel.
    Garak swallows and pants in his ear.  "And you...want to share this with me...now."
    "Well I had an idea," he says apologetically, then actually squirms away from Garak and sits up.  Garak tries not to look wildly out of control or ravenous.  "I...really want to do this."
    "As do I," Elim interjects quickly and pointedly.  A little smile tugs at the corner of Julian's mouth.  So yes, he gets it, mostly, but this is more important.  Ok, Julian, ok. 
    "I want to do this, but I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to, based on what happened last night," he puts a hand up before Garak can interrupt.  "I just want to try something, try it a different way."
    Garak absorbs this, considers the options, then agrees.  "Alright."  
    Julian feels gangly and awkward but after warring with that, he more or less coaxes Elim into a kneeling position facing the headboard, feet curled beneath him, and then feels doubly odd turning his back to him. 
    This may be a new one on Garak, a strange position that doesn't seem like much fun, but if it will alleviate his worries, then.  Julian wants to feel in control of this, and Garak can understand that.  He may be disappointed with how much he succeeds in controlling it, but the allowance given by Garak will help.  He puts hands to Julian's hips to follow him because he is struggling to understand this still, the kinetics of playing a different position in a familiar game, and just because he doesn't want to give up contact for a second or let him feel alone.  Elim places his lips to the back of his neck and kisses, assures, then guides him, feels his breath stutter as he lines them up, then lets him go, lets him decide how far and how fast, and tries to just sit and leave his body behind for a moment so he won't interfere.
    Julian breathes and lets himself down little by little, then jerks back up with a sharp hiss.  That little near-breach hurts, just that, and he starts worrying again.  Elim strokes fingers down his back, and Julian can feel his breath come slow and steady behind him.  Elim is anxious too, but showing patience above and beyond Julian's hopes still.  He lets Elim's breathing set the rhythm of his own, and then comes down again, breathing, halting, breathing, breathing, his concentration loosely set there in his lungs and in the controlled burn in his thigh muscles.  Everything else must stay relaxed, and with that combination, he succeeds.  The touch of Elim's thighs to his own is almost enough to shift him off of this tiny point of mental and physical symmetry, but he takes a quick deep breath and wills his body open and lax still, to stay that way.
    Elim's fingers dust over his shoulders and his lips follow.  Julian can feel his kiss melt into a smile.  "How about that," he says softly.  Julian just breathes a moment more before coming to the conclusion that he hasn't won yet.  Still needs to figure out how to move like this.  Bravery in place, though, he flexes his legs and moves up.  There is a little tightness as his body attempts to exert it's own reflexive will, but Julian breathes through his open mouth and imagines himself hollowed from head to end.  Then it is time to repeat, it happens without thought, and a smile peeks from the corner of his mouth because he feels it this time, the things he is supposed to feel that were blocked by the pain before.  An electric shiver comes over his body like a first kiss, a rush of blood to his head. His whole body seems to ripple happily around Elim's cock, and he sighs, sitting down fully on him.  Elim fills in him a void he hadn't known existed until this moment.  That's where that first kiss feeling comes from.  When your lips long for a caress they've never known before and cannot know the beauty of, and then finally do, it's the same feeling, but the anticipation of it was missing because he had no idea that he should miss this deep feeling.
    Julian smiles to himself, a gentle grin under closed eyes.  "See," he breathes.  "I know what I'm talking about sometimes."  He moves up and down on him, experimentally, shallowly, and Elim completes each trip with a kiss to his back.  Julian closes his eyes then, breathes in and out through his mouth and focuses on what his body is telling him.  The tightness in his thighs, the stretch over Elim's, the unaccustomed intrusion into him, and his body's resignation to that presence.  It tingles all around.  It's like his body forgot that this part of him was capable of feeling good things, but now Elim has reminded him, and he feels it, feels the slide into him with just enough friction that all those neglected nerves are singing.  Feels the fullness that is at once familiar and odd.  The withdrawal is beautiful, the return exhilarating.  Julian's mouth waters a little.
    It's difficult though.  He is lifting himself up and down with thigh muscles alone.  Elim has taken his hands at his sides, he had no place to put them anyway, and while he is fairly strong, the action gets difficult quickly.  Elim is making little wanting noises behind him as well.  He has heard himself make that noise before.  He cannot recall the exact context now, but the sound calls to mind dying of thirst, sweating his life out of his pores.  He gets the impression anyway that Elim needs more as well, and isn't terribly surprised when he drops his hands, and his arms snake around his waist and lift him off his lap.
    "Do you mind if I lead?" he says with disguised need.
    Julian exhales on a quiver, still feeling open and strange down below, but turns a brave smile to Garak.  "Ok."
    "Do you like this?  With me behind you?" Elim asks quietly with a knowing look.
    Julian blushes on top of his already arousal and heat-pinked cheeks and nods.
    Elim guides him to hands and knees, then wordlessly urges him to put his head to the pillow, fold his arms.  There is a moment's trepidation as he lines up again, and it happens faster than Julian was expecting, no slow ease like before, just in, though shallowly, and it blossoms like before, a surprising inclusion in him but his body remembers, and grudgingly allows it.  Julian just tries to breathe and concentrate on breathing. 
    But then he can't really, suddenly.  He is there on his knees, feeling the air cool on his lips going in and damp going out, and staring at the wrinkles on the pillow with Elim's cock inside of him, just a bit, and Elim shifts.  He feels Elim's cock go left and then right with his shifting weight and the mattress dips behind his knees, and then suddenly regular breathing isn't enough.  Elim goes in.  Julian can feel his hips against his rear end and his mouth opens wide for more air because he is so deep inside of him, and it happened so fast, like the difference between penetrated and penetrated completely is both dramatic and easy to achieve.  Elim groans behind him, pushes a little, and then retreats.  Julian gasps again in time for him to connect again, and it sets up a quick pattern that makes Julian lightheaded in a moment.  Julian swallows and makes an inarticulate noise as Elim pumps into him rapidly.  He hears Elim respond with a grateful moan and feels a caress to his flank that he barely registers.  He is so deep inside of him, Julian can't feel or imagine much else.
    "Ohhhhh, Julian," Garak sighs long and happily, stretching his name out until the last syllable dies softly on his lips.  He just needed a taste.  Needed to get inside of him and let go for a moment.  So much relief, so much more complete than before.  To have Julian open and pliant beneath him, surrounding him, he feels at peace.  He knows Julian isn't feeling quite the same way right now, anal sex being what it is the first time, but he sounds like he is enjoying it as much as he can beyond the overload.  Garak strokes deeply into him, then stops, indulges in a few rapid thrusts that coax noises from Julian's lungs, then goes slow to feel that sweet sharp drag all around his cock and the warmth (he is hot as the Cardassian sun!) envelope him tip to hilt.  His finer scales are wet and shiny when he looks down, and he rocks his hips to rub them against Julian's skin.
    Julian is aware, now that the brief assault has slowed, why this feels so different.  He's helpless.  He has never before associated this kind of arousal with helplessness, but there it is.  That's the difference.  He's always been the one in control before, and now, same as it was yesterday really.  Though yesterday he was on his back, and far more vulnerable. The soft undersides of his knees, his belly, his genitals, all lined up and exposed.  As silly as it seems, the physical distance between his front and his back makes all the difference between being in control and not, and the difference between total vulnerability and semi-protection makes the distance seem less vast when you're not in control.  You have no eyes or hands in the back of you.  If someone attacks you from behind you have little you can do but run away, and Julian has no where to run.  He is not being attacked, but he understands the underlying sense of it now.  Garak reaches inside of him and holds him here, and that act is both his pleasure and his means of keeping it, because Julian could not escape if he wanted to.  It feels so different.  That was perhaps the most frightening thing, but Elim's hand sliding slowly up his back reassuring him that he is still here, he hasn't left Julian alone with his unsupervised envy, and the pain of inexperience abated, he's is free to appreciate the more subtle facets of this new thing; at least until Elim decides to lay into him hard again.  There is nothing subtle about that.
    Garak stops a moment, waits, and lets him acclimate.  His breathing is level and deep, and Elim thinks he is learning.  He is always learning, Julian.  He is absorbing and memorizing the poise of his muscles, the weight of Garak's penetration into him.  Garak wants to show him everything.  Can't wait to teach him everything he knows, just to see what an amazing mind like Julian's might do with that knowledge.  Elim wants to wrap around him the way Julian's body swallows his cock so beautifully.  He wants to make Julian feel that way all over.  So he pushes down.  He urges Julian's knees under him, folding him up, and sliding forward on top of him with his cock still just there, buried to the head and no further.  He moves foreword on top of him and folds his arms over his back to complete the pose.  He settles his weight there and listens as Julian's breath begins to leave him.  There is a momentary surge beneath him as Julian realizes he cannot breathe but shallowly now.  Gravity now working in Garak's favor, he slides deeply into Julian and lets the weight of his whole body press him down and the strong muscles of his abdomen power his smooth thrust in.  Julian whimpers almost inaudibly beneath him and Garak's cock throbs with his rapid pulse inside.  Garak kisses his back a few times and whispers to him in Kardassi below the register of the translator that his body feels like nothing he has ever loved before, like heaven to behold, and like hell to resist.  Then he lifts himself up again and watches as Julian tries to recapture his lost breath but not stir even remotely from the posture Elim gave to him.
    Garak lifts Julian's hips back up, places a wet kiss to the dip of his tail bone and breathes in the perfume of his skin.  Then he resumes with a more gentle rhythm with hands over the rounds of Julian's soft backside.  He slides his right hand down around his hip over the cooler skin there where he is mostly bone, and then into the tighter space between belly and thigh where it gets warmer by a leap, into the achingly soft crux of his groin, and then leans forward to scoop his balls in hand.  Julian barely seems to notice as Garak tests their weight in his hand and marvels at their vulnerability, so far away from protective muscle and bone.  Even the skin is thin and fragile feeling, velvety. He lets them drop again, and they move gently with Garak's every thrust into Julian and he just keeps his hand there to feel their motion.  He can't imagine having to contend with such an uncontrollable body part.  Julian's cock, too, is a mystery, though not right now.  Garak is well acquainted with the dark heavy feeling he has there now, familiar with that weight Garak can feel with his knuckles.  Julian is hard as stone as he brushes them up the side.  It is warm with the skin pulled tight, the curve of it parallel with his taught belly.  Garak takes it at the base with thumb down and fingers above, twists gently and slicks his hand down to the head.  Julian tightens around him in response and Garak sees stars for a second, has to breathe a few deep breaths consciously to keep himself cool.  He scoots closer to him, knees Julian' legs a little farther apart and watches his back tighten to two thick ropes around his spine to hold him up, feels Julian's inner thighs do the same against his own.  Garak reaches behind himself with his right hand and collects some of the juice he has been spilling for hours now, dripping down his legs reminding him of overripe fruit weighty in his hand and sticky sweet.  He takes Julian's cock in hand again.  He starts a slow beat inside of him, and with each stroke in, his hand comes toward him with fingers and palm griping tightly and rubbing sharp friction over the underside of Julian's cock.
    Julian is keening in only a moment and Garak smiles to himself.  He is so easy.  That tender flesh is so easily manipulated and teased, and yet not so fragile he must worry.  So simple to drive him wherever Garak wants him to go.  He stops then and fells Julian to his side with just a tiny tap to his hip.  He scoops him around to lay him on his back once more, covering him completely, grabbing him with his torso like the palm of a giant hand, each limb a gripping finger over this tiny doll.  Julian moans, whines at the loss of his hand on his cock and reaches down for it himself even as Garak slides a hand beneath his head and captures his mouth, seeks out his tongue with punishing, brutally hungry teeth.  Garak confounds and frustrates his attempt to satisfy himself with elbows first and finally removing his lips regrettably from Julian's and verbally warning him.
    "Ah-ah," he rumbles and Julian looks up needfully at him, completely open as if he were in real pain already.  Garak takes one hand, then the other, and gently steers them up above Julian's head.  Julian licks his dry lips and pants, squirms just slightly beneath him.
    Elim is just holding onto him again, immobilizing him and making him wait.  He was close a moment ago, very, very close.  Now his body rocks without his understanding, his hips canting down and back straining for contact.  Elim scoops his own hips down and under and his cock sinks into Julian again without the aid of his hands.  Julian huffs surprise and heat rushes to his head, blood to his cock.  He hears himself moan but doesn't believe it's really him.  Only a moment later, Elim withdraws from him again with a grunt, and it kisses, makes a wet, licentious sound Julian also can't believe has come from his own body.  Just once in and he's gone again and Julian misses it. He wants him  back there inside of him.  This internal want feels like the opposite of the pressure in his swollen cock, like if he could release one into the other he would be balanced except that isn't even what he wants.  He wants to be unbalanced, he wants to swing the other way completely, go from a sex overburdened with blood and energy to straining and vacated, wants someone to suck it out of him, and at the same time his insides want to be pressurized and overfilled and stirred up, and he wants Elim to do it.
    Garak looks down at him.  His gaze darts from one of Julian's dark and liquid eyes to the other, traces his sharp jaw and softly trembling mouth.  "Are you ready to begin?" he asks then, head tilting to one side.
    Julian blinks.  "Begin?"  Garak smiles and leans down again to kiss kiss kiss his way from jaw to nipple, then brings his teeth gently around the nub.  Julian grunts once, shivers a little.
    "Come," Elim says then, and urges him to sit up again, then back to hands and knees.  Elim takes his hands and places them at the top of the headboard, smooths his fingers down over the cold black bar set just in front of it following its curve.  It registers faintly in Julian 's mind that he does not have such a thing on his bed.  That this, like other aspects of Garak's quarters, and similarly, like Garak himself, is different than the norm for the rest of the station, though you wouldn't notice unless you were looking for it, or Elim was fucking you up against it.
    He is like a workbench in front of Garak, then.  He kneels at his side at first, holding much the same position as Julian, one hand just resting on top of Julian's, not holding them there, but reminding them of their place.  He turns Julian's head to him and takes a glorious kiss that wounds him it's so beautiful.  Julian is just so good right now, primed to take and absorb him.  Lined up perfectly and responding like he was born for this.  He never moves his hands from where Garak placed them, but stretches up as Garak's own insistent hands pull and twist his neck and back tugging at his hair to make his front accessible to him.  Small avaricious nips turn to hard bites down his neck from there, each one eliciting an open-mouthed moan from Julian and making him flinch and squirm.  Garak moves down with his hand still up against Julian's jaw, keeping his head up, neck stretched, probably uncomfortably, and ducks under his arm to bite his chest, the round of skin he can grasp to the outside of his nipple, squeezes, pinches with his teeth and grinds his jaw.  Julian cries out and Garak feels the reverberation in his palm against his throat and listens to Julian's hands squeak and wrench with sweaty palms around the bar, feels the tremor in his whole body.  Elim releases him at length and licks at the spot.  Julian sighs and whimpers as he relaxes back to kneeling on the bed.  Garak's hand on his chest, he can feel Julian's heart racing beneath.  "Good boy," he murmurs to him.  "You have nothing to worry about, my dear."
    Garak runs his hands down Julian's flank and follows his hands with slow scraping bites at him, eyes open wide and watching him carefully.  Julian's stomach muscles flinch and stutter as he tries to keep himself under control, and with the release of Garak's jaw, Julian releases his breath and his voice too and then sucks in a new breath to hold it in preparation for the next chain-linked bite down his side.  "Breathe, Julian," he has to stop and coo to him.  Julian does, then Garak is back on him with a kiss and another bite.  He sucks at the skin by his lowest rib after the bite, signaling a pause, and then sits up straighter with his chest against Julian's side.  He wraps a gentle hand around the back of Julian's neck and rubs a little while.  He feels his back rise and fall as he catches his breath with his head resting on his knuckles.  That neck and the small ear nearby are tempting and Garak leans in and breathes over it, knowing it must tickle, seeing the shiver run up his back.  "Inside, Julian," he says behind his ear and can nearly feel him vibrating.  "Do you like to feel me inside?"
    Julian's eyes slip closed and he nods ever so slightly.  He feels dulled and stupid, like Elim's voice turns to woodsmoke as it passes his lips and lulls him, but it isn't a bad feeling at all.  Feels like release, relinquishment of some higher consciousness to nature in exchange for instinct.  Elim's breath trails down his back followed by light skipping fingertips over his sweat-sticky skin, and a wave of anticipation seems to preempt it.  His muscles all twitch around that tickling air, but it really doesn't tickle.  His rear end tingles for a second before Elim's mouth contacts it, closes around a hunk of it, tries to tear it from his frame.  Julian's voice comes from his shocked lungs until he is certain he should have run out of air ages ago.  He sounds ridiculous to his own ears but doesn't care.  Half of his body taken in a random sampling of anterior and posterior muscles is betraying him, trying to scramble away, and the other half hangs on desperately.  Elim's teeth grind deeper into the meat of his backside and Julian ends up pressed up against the wall above the bed, head crooked and smashed under the console, arms fighting the bar.  He is glad it is there though.  While he evidences in his body his desire to flee, he really doesn't want to.  He is glad of the physical barrier to help keep him there.
    Garak lets him go abruptly and leaves a lot of glistening saliva behind around the large red mark.  Julian's profile is contorted against the wall, brows high and pinched.  His jaw is slack but his mouth tells more of his internal struggle as it twitches over his teeth and around his breath.   Garak finds a new spot and bites him again.  Julian's cry is unrestrained and the sound envelopes Garak, makes him throb inside where the hot weight of his cock lay in wait.  He wants to hear more of that sound, but thinks in this moment to err on the side of caution, and after scraping his teeth across his wet skin, steps regretfully away from the beauty on his bed and fetches a few things from his closet.  Would have had to get them at some point anyway, even if Julian knew how to keep his voice down.  As he steps away, though, he can see that Julian isn't even looking.  He's there with his eyes shut and panting against the wall which now also bares a smear of his sweat.  A smile plays across Garak's face.  He'll watch next time.  He won't take his eyes off him next time.
    Elim returns to his side and Julian feels him and sees him there all at once.  He has a small red pillow in his hand, something like a throw cushion.  Elim takes his head in one large hand and adjusts the tilt to bring their lips together.  Julian kisses him back with all the reverence he feels, but probably very little of the sophistication he hopes to convey, and then continues his panting when Elim is done and smiling faintly at him.  "This is new," Elim says, and Julian takes the square pillow with one numb hand.  "So we don't wake the neighbors."
    It isn't late enough yet to be waking anyone, but Garak also doesn't want security interrupting them to enforce a noise ordinance. 
    Julian looks half drunk.  He holds the pillow up atop the headboard and lays his arms across it, leans his forehead against the wall and seems to relax into the posture again.  Either Julian didn't really understand what Garak meant by the remark, it just didn't sink in, or he doesn't think he'll need it right this second, apparently.  Garak is not in his direct line of sight still, mostly behind his gently swaying form, and he lets a wry grin spread across his face for a moment before stamping it down and weighing, for a moment, his options.
    Garak nods to himself a half second later.  "On second thought, come here a moment will you, Love?"
    Julian perks up and turns blearily toward him.  Garak takes him around one shoulder gently, with encouragement and a smile on his face, brushes the backs of his knuckles of his right hand down his spine gently and then cups his other hand quickly and with no fanfare over Julian's mouth and hits him hard across the backs of his thighs with the switch in his right hand.  All the force of Julian's yelp is absorbed and deflected by Garak's hand, the air squeezing out all over and whiffling through a single stray lock of hair across his forehead.  His eyes go wide and his hands come up to grip Garak's shoulder and try to prise his hand away so he can more effectively gasp for breath.  Garak lets his face go with a caress to his cheek. 
    "Would you like the pillow now?"  Julian looks at him with unconcealed shock, but obeys, takes the small pillow from where he dropped it on the mattress and places it back upon the headboard edge with a glance behind him to look at the thin switch now unconcealed in Garak's hand.  It's quite nondescript, nothing more than a thin flexible rod with a handle on one end and a leather loop on the other. Garak has many implements that are far more interesting at least to the eye, but interesting isn't what he is going for tonight.  Just simple, just effective.
    Julian's heart is beating erratically against the fast and steady heaving of his lungs.  His hands shakily squeeze the pillow. There is a hot stripe across the backs of his thighs right now, like he's leaning back against a metal bar in the sun.  Elim moves, shifts as he knee-walks closer to him and Julian's back muscles spasm all over in anticipation.  He doesn't strike him though, not yet.  The next thing he feels is the cool smooth touch of the crop to the cleft of his ass.  He vaguely fears it coming down in that spot next, but at the same token has no idea what to expect if that were to happen, what it would feel like, so the fear is unsubstantial.  It doesn't strike still, just lays there a few seconds, then spins in Elim's hand, a funny tickle there as it turns, and then slides up, then down the cleft, and the loop brushes his entrance.  Julian feels his body cringe involuntarily at that and he hears a small amused hum from Elim.
    Then he hits him.  Julian thinks he hears it after he feels it, though that thought flees far faster than anything else.  His face goes instinctively to the pillow and he yells into it.  A shiver and a need for oxygen take him over immediately.  Strange his reaction to what would in any other situation be a shocking but mild pain, but considerations like that don't stay in his head either.  His quick breathing goes back down, eventually, and it's only a few seconds later that Elim hits him again a little higher, where his gluts meet his hams, there in the tender fold, and Julian yells compulsively again.  He wraps the pillow around his face and tries to breath through it.  The crop is cold again as it touches the searing hot lines on his skin, runs gently over his backside before zipping through the air again and snapping at his flesh.
    In a few moments and a few more strikes, Julian's back becomes fully arched up, his ass is tight and pulled in close, and his thighs have turned in, ankles crossing behind him in some sort of primal defense posture designed to keep his testicles out of harms way. Garak is no where near them, and certainly wouldn't try, but the quivering of his muscles and the cowedness of his posture is adorable and irresistible, and his cries feel like lightning shooting through Garak's middle.  Garak has laid about twenty overlapping red welts across each leg before he pauses.  He scoots up close behind him, runs a hand down his back and gently over the bright red area, leans down to take a closer look at it and then around to study his face.  The pillow is blotched with saliva, and Julian's face is red, what he can see of it, almost as red as his thighs, but he breathes steadily.
    Elim 's hands are a welcome, pleasurable reprieve for the few seconds he uses them.  He turns the crop vertical only a moment later and gives him two quick licks down each buttock and Julian hears a strangling noise escape his throat before he gasps into the wet pillow again.  After filling his lungs completely with air again it all comes tumbling out once more as the next sound he makes sounds suspiciously like laughter, but he isn't sure how that's possible.
    Then Elim is chuckling behind him too.  They're laughing together, and the hands come back to his rear end.  They feel cold now, and good.  Elim kisses the new marks on him, all over, and a few places he hasn't touched with the crop yet he kisses as well, letting the chuckle die out as he does.
    "If I hit you with my hands," he says lowly against Julian's spine, "would you be afraid of me in the morning?"
    Julian thinks a moment, or tries to through the haze, tries to imagine what Elim means by 'hit', exactly.  In the end, and the end was only a few seconds from the beginning, he deigns the disambiguation pointless because even if he was afraid Elim might really hit him, he is going to answer the same way.
    "I'm always afraid of you."
    Garak pauses on that, feels his brow knit and places a gentle hand on Julian's back, strokes his soft skin compulsively.   "Why?"
    Julian just breathes for a while, then seems to take one deep slow breath before pushing his answer from his lungs.  "It's...fucking scary, the way you make me feel."
    Garak smiles, runs his hand down Julian's flank, over his exposed behind, kisses it once more.  "If it pleases you, I will continue to scare you as long as you like."
    Julian doesn't answer, just closes his eyes and relinquishes himself to that trembling feeling, the way his presence just seems to flood him with life.  Elim smacks him hard with his hand coming down and plastering to his skin as if the heat from that impact would weld them together.  Julian expels it all into the damp pillow he has clutched tightly to his face and doesn't move at all except with the force of Elim's strikes.  He slaps and then grinds, digs his fingertips into him and squeezes, then brings his hand down again.   One side, then the other, then back again, and again.
    His ass is shining and red and has become firm and slippery with the swelling skin.  His fingers knead into it and Julian moans continuously, his voice growing hoarse.  Julian's right leg is angled in a bit more to keep him balanced while Garak worked that side of him and when Garak reaches between his legs to give his cock a gentle caress he finds it has been leaking steadily down that leg for some time, a wet trail in evidence.  Garak murmurs a wordless sound of pleasure and pulls Julian's cock down between his legs, holds it there cupped in his hand and pets it with the other hand.  Then hand over hand he strokes it, pulls it down, enjoying the odd roll of his foreskin, and then crouches to take it in this mouth from behind Julian.  It throbs between his lips and he sucks it lovingly, laps up the underside, over his sac, all the way up to his tailbone, then again.
    "You are absolutely beautiful, Julian."  He means it when he says it.  He cannot say he has ever seen anything more gratifying, more erotic and alluring than what is laid out before him.  He lays his vibrating hands on his back, slides them up to his shoulders bringing his hips in alignment with Julian's and lays his cheek on his flattened shoulder blade just to feel the heat radiating off of him.  He scoops his arms around his torso and runs his hands down his chest, into the well of his hips and down his thighs.  Everything just feels so perfect.  Garak reaches back up over his shoulders and gently pulls the pillow away from his face.  He gives it up easily once Garak's tug on it's corner seems earnest enough.  He glances back at the Cardassian once and let's him take it.  Garak tosses it to the side and pulls Julian up next, by his shoulder, wraps his arms around him as he does, unsheathes his cock into the space between Julian's legs and turns Julian's head to kiss him over his shoulder.  They're lips reach for each other over and over, tongues craving the warm refuge of each other's mouths.  Garak supports them both with quivering back muscles, Julian leaning nearly his full weight on him, but even so, with one hand he pulls Julian's face ever closer to his, just a little closer, he knows if they try they can be a little closer, and with the other, guides his cock with gently curled fingers to Julian's entrance.
    Garak has to gasp and then sigh as he sinks into him.  His mouth waters a little, and then he smiles faintly when he feels Julian take his finger into his mouth.  It was right there, his right palm under his jaw and not doing anything in particular.  Julian didn't even make a sound as he passed into him this time, like it was old hat or something and that makes Garak smile more.  He relaxes down a moment, comes down from that strained reaching that so necessarily accompanies such sweet penetration and completion, but then he resumes, undulating with his whole body, because it is necessary as breathing right now to show him he is putting everything into this.  You are the be all end all for me, Boy.  You are the epitome of my desire.  Julian moans and moves with him, pressing himself down hard onto Garak's cock, and pulling his abs and buttocks in tight as he pulls away.  Garak nearly loses his head a few times from that maneuver.   Garak breathes as heavily as Julian is now.  So good, so sweet.  But he can't help but feel like maybe this isn't as new as it seems, maybe Julian is right.  Maybe they've been doing this for the past six years.  Like every conversation, every heated look shared across the promenade was just a more distant form of this intimacy, and that the actual fucking, last night, the introduction, was just a formality, and now it's just business as usual; hot, frantic, mind-blowing business, as usual, with the man he's been making love to in his mind for the past six years.
    Julian takes his own cock in hand and gives it gentle strokes in time with Elim's.  The slippery feeling of his love inside of him makes him toss his head back and forth on Elim's shoulder, and the way his prick, so hard now, so incredibly hard and unyielding hits that spot deep within him, he can't keep his eyes open, can't think at all.  Elim's cock erases his mind and it feels so good.  Elim's hand, he blearily notices, joins his own around his cock, and each stroke is so sharp, so present and tight despite their gentle pace and grip, it's only a few seconds more sucking in huge lungfuls of warm moist air before Julian spasms throughout his body, makes a strangled, cut off noise near Elim's ear, tenses all through his back and comes.  It rips through him, splits him in two, and his come jumps up and lands back on him, all over him.  Disoriented and high, Elim continues to pump his cock and he feels like he is dying, sounds like it too.  He can see the last few drops of come squeeze to the tip of his cock when his eyes crack open, and then Elim moves inside of him again, and if fucking hurts.
    Julian's brow knits and he gasps for air, digs his fingers into Elim behind him and then lets out a reverberating mewl of pain.
    Garak feels ever so slightly guilty drinking in that sound, but he does it anyway.  "Shh," he says in his ear,  "Just another moment, Love."  He wants to come inside of him. Needs to.  Needs to because in six years he hasn't once.  He vaguely wonders if he shouldn't spare him that tonight, the first night, really, but he knows he doesn't need to, knows he isn't going to, that nothing save instantaneous death could make him stop right now.  Julian falls forward and Garak somehow, by God he does somehow stay with him.  Julian is so tight so so so tight around him and it has to hurt.  It makes Garak hurt thinking about it, and ache somewhere deep inside listening to him whimper into the pillow and then cough as he gasps for more air.  "Almost, Baby, almost," he mutters, and then there is this ear-ringing silence for a bare second, the rushing of his blood blotting out the rest of existence, and finally he is coming.  He screws his eyes shut and growls through his teeth, the whole world streaked with black and pleasure dripping off his bones and teeth.
    They collapse in slow motion, robots with dying power cells laying down one servo at a time until they clunk heads on the pillow and lay there recapturing long lost air for some unknown and uncared-for chunk of time.  When conscious thought does finally start to trickle back, Garak levers himself around, turns over one part of him at a time to drape a weak limb over Julian's ribs.  "I'm sorry, Love."
    Julian laughs.  He makes a sound like he was going to retort but then just laughs some more.
    Garak smiles faintly.  He understands, but he wanted to apologize anyway, for the lie.
    "Elim," he says with a sleepy grin and shakes his head.  He rolls over with difficulty, getting winded with just that much movement, and scoots in as close as he can to him until their arms and legs interfere and get squashed between them.  Now that he's here and has his attention he doesn't quite know what to say, though.
    "You felt so good.  I couldn't let you go."
    "I didn't want you to let me go," Julian says just above a whisper.  Elim seems to study his face for just a moment more then leans in and puts his lips to Julian's with a thumb to his cheek.  His eyelashes brush the bridge of his nose once, and it tells Julian that his eyes have slipped closed.  He kisses him back tenderly, wrapping a hand around under his shoulder to stroke down his scales.  The kiss breaks at length, but it proves to be only one of perhaps hundreds to be exchanged that night while they lay there in silence in the comfort of Elim's rooms, discovering each other anew.